Kiwi Tales

"Art In The Yard" Spring Fling

Basking in the satisfaction of another show been and gone. I say that because the lead up is brutal and only made worse by a nasty toothache that descended upon me a few days before. As they say in the...as they say...somewhere; the show must go on, and indeed it did. I may have appeared in a vicodin haze and I am sure I was not just dreaming...we did open the gates on time, I know we did. Soooo...this is how it went down. 10:15pm the night before and the kitchen still looked trashed. 11.00 pm and I drag the vac out hoping its sounds were muffled by stucco walls...note to self. MUST ASK the neighbors! 11:50pm I pop a vicodin and stumble into bed and reset the body clock for 5:30am. The Yank is still missing in action, she has printing and laminating tasks which as usual are added to the  "Leave To The Last Moment" list. Y'all know the list...the one you swore you would alter or never make ever again. Well...The Yank and The Kiwis "Leave to The Last Moment" list seems to get bigger each year...its like a grocery list of uncompleted must dos before the big day. One could say diabolically insane and they would be correct! Still...we had other important agenda tasks on our plate that took time out of the packet and still it got done...whewwwww.

A good time seemed to be had by one and all. Money was made by the artists and the buyers went away happy. The garden looked wonderful with the flowers of spring, the new sail shades we had put up gave a nice glow to the lawn beneath and the pleasure generated by a well attended show...priceless. Signing off now to prepare for another show this coming Saturday. I can concentrate on looking at suitable stock to pack and maybe get some creating hours in before I have my "How to pull a trailer" lesson. I have to tow a trailer...oh my...what has a gal got herself into?

 

Down and Dirty in DTLA

Well there I was... pounding the grimy streets of the downtown wholesale area of LA, a fave haunt of The Kiwi's. With wits semi intact, the need to go meant I went from being wide-eyed prowess to being pinkie in distress. I no longer had the LA TIMES car-park to sneak into and enjoy their somewhat cleanish facilities. I knew that Charbucks was a WC free space...go figure. Then I remembered I had passed a McDisgusting on previous adventures through the alternate world of LA. I was going to say the alternate world of well heeled LA and then I remembered that this wee pot hole part of one of the most famous and infamous cities of America is also well to do in an underworld sort of way. I was winding and weaving my way through olde Persia where the bucks collected, very rarely go through the books to fatten the back pockets of the likes of Bel Air. As usual I digress and resort to a mad rave...ce la vie. So there I was, winding down the gulf, needing a pee so bad that I dare not stop to contemplate an alternative, McDisgusting here I come. The usual clientele were there, the bedraggled, the crusties, the zoot suited pimples of society and me. I kind of blended with the bedraggled. Tracy gets it...she will confirm my uncanny ability to mix in with the weirdest of weird and with a flick of the hair it is like I belong. I know there is another name for it but it eludes me right now. Sooooo...back to the story. I get to the front of the line, open the door, half expecting to see a scene out of LA LAW and ORDER. You know the ones...corpse with hole in forehead propped up against the bog, or corpse with eyes looking straight ahead with needle in dirty arm. Have I painted the picture of our big cityscape? Instead, the first of two cesspools had rubbish piled up and I was toooo scared to even look inside the bowl because I just knew it was blocked up with goodness knows what. I looked left then right then left again and settled on the dunny straight ahead. To cut a long story short, when a gal has to pee she could even pee under a tree but in LA fabric district there aren't any trees so Macs place has a monopoly, what's new.
I thought you might like to share my adventure and yes, at least there was toilet paper and no corpses. I must look into one of those female urinal things, I know I have seen them in the wrinkles magazines before today. Not a bad option when one travels on the sidewalks and freeways these days. If anyone has had experience using one of these devices can they please riddle me this...Can they be used with one hand and is it even legal? All that being said, relief being sweet... the treasure hunt continued, buttons and various other Gorgeous Wee Objects were added to the YanKiwi inventory. I think next time I shall just go to the supermarket and get myself a six pack of Depends and save myself the dispair of downtown dunny disgust.

The SIX eyed monster

The day started out much the same except for two things. I have the Yank home 24/7 as The Times chose to save her from a death worse than misery itself by cutting the ties. First let me go back a step in time. As part as their pathetic attempt to keep slum landlord Sam Zells greedy aquisition of The Time afloat, the Chicago thugs...opps.did I say that? Ok...thumbscrewers came in and changed the healthcare package, part of their costcutting effort. Ho Hum. NOW...what does that mean?  I can hear you say. It MEANT that the WORKERS of the once prestigeous LA Times now have  a healthcare plan akin to a third world country. BUT...it cost the workers the same. Just more co pay and crappier people to deal with. NOW...I am writing this a little late but whats new lol. Its changed once again and we now currently have NO healthcare but that's not the story. My blurb is about eyes and the pariphenalia that must adorn them as we age.

The Yank and The Kiwi have been going to 20/20 vision for about 6 or so year. We love the Doc and we love Jennifer the ever so patient meticulous optometrist a gal could wish for. We loved our yearly visits. We trust them both with our eyeballs. When the healthcare package went to the dogs we decided to stay with Dr Everett as she knows our eyes inside out. She marvels at my tortured veins and is ever so grateful we haven't pulled apart any of her machines looking for interesting adornments to play with. Theres a real trust between us, something that is sorely lacking with most other medical professionals in our lives currently.

We had to go elsewhere to get our perscription filled and there the horror began, we couldn't take our Jennifer with us. A list in hand we started at the closest joint. ICK and the Jennifer wannabee was horrid. Nothing worthy of adorning our eyes and the wee suitcase holding the specs for the peasant class looked like something from the backstreets ofsome eastern bloc reject pile. Did I mention the PLAN Sam Zell had given the LA Times staff was a peasant plan? That's irrelevant now but I had to mention it for the story's sake.

Ok...onward and upward. OFF to Sams Club and Walmart... DOUBLE ICK...there was some HOSPITAL eye place somewhere in there but I threw a paddy and didn't want to even have anything to do with it. I missed my Jennifer! Hours and fign hours later we ended up at another joint, it looked promising, more selection, laughter and a gal that did her best to be our NEW Jennifer. The dreaded suitcase came out. Its a peasant thing. The suitcase and the peasant plan are one and the same, joined at the hinge. We both found glasses on the wall and decided on those. Hours had passed, we both felt a sense of loss . Its  a good thing though. Its very much a case of "tis better to have loved and to have hold then never loved at all." NOT to freak Jennifer out at all lol but we have her in our life and She comes to our "Art In The Yard " Do's and sometime we will all go for Thai together at our fave Thai joint. The Yank and The Kiwi appreciate the professional friendly treatment 20/20 vision has bestowed on them over the years and even though The Kiwi must now wear two different pairs of glasses for different tasks no personal grudge is held.

 

The Fly Whisperer aka The Kiwi

Just got in from rounding up some flies and herding them towards fly heaven. I don't know about you, but The Kiwi hates flies, especially when she is preparing food. Probably because the American flies reminds her of the Australian flies, badly behaved and totally irreverent. The Yank gets majorly demented over ants but that is another story. But with flies, she sure is a sight to behold as she flings herself around the kitchen puffing herself up to look ten times bigger. Its enough to scare the wings off the dirty wee blighters and make them drop the food out of their mouth whilst flying in fright. A gal can't even leave the backdoor open without the little buggers using the place like a drive thru. Now where was I?
OH... wherever I went, there I was [and so were the flies] To cut a long story short and save you all from the cliches. I've been a badddddd Kiwi blog mistress. So beat me!

Months have passed, seasons have changed, we have a new Prez, what else, hmmmmmm. We both have some new grey hairs and I am also pleased to say we have just had yet another "Art in The Yard" flingette. This time I really concentrated on our table display setting it up the night before under the covered patio.  I was remiss last time and totally neglected our space table as I wandered around like mother hen making sure all the participants were ok with their allotted areas, cooked breakfast for 25 and took care of any special needs. The Yank was busy with her tasks and before you knew it BAM... the gates were opened. Sooooooo... in a nutshell, we kicked butt with our area this time, lots of nooks and crannies with new creations made using a lot of YanKiwi product. From hand stamped earrings, bracelets and pendants; to cards, tags and stained glass sun-catchers made by the both of us. The Yank had worked hard and long at kicking the garden up a notch even threatening the grass to grow, or else! The birdlife was out in force, fountains were flowing. 100's of attendees/friends/buyers enjoyed a fine afternoon in our garden and a fun time, food and wine was shared. We even had a chair masseuse this time and she was kept busy.
    Currently, I am so excited I can barely contain myself as I have a new project underway. The Kiwi is inspired. Its been a while and I'm enjoying the flow whilst looking forward to the next show in November. The Yank and The Kiwi will be working on some garden art to include hypertufa pots, troughs and other gorgeous organic growths that we can think of when playing with said mixture. Watch this space for pics... In the interim I am off, back to the shade of the lower patio to work on my current itches. The Yank is uploading a pic to our SALE page at the virtual convention our ghosts are presently attending at The Rubberstampchat site. Check it out, it runs till Monday eve. I am not going to make any more loose promises to be frequent with my bloggett. I am going to work at the least to be better as the Yank threatened to send me to the fly farm where I will have no choice but to constantly run around in circles, fly swat in hand instead of the dremel. I am pretty sure that can be seen as the equivalent as limbo for some of you.

Tootles for now.

The Kiwi

OH...p.s. The Yank wanted me to mention that the reason we have flies is the WEATHER and the fact that I leave the door open with no screen. Its NOT because I leave crumbs on the bench. I repeat. It is NOT because I leave crumbs on the bench... that would be countertop for the American readers.

Looks aren't everything

Do you remember back when you were a young wee whipper snapper with all the rushing hormones ?
Or am I the only one that can remember that feeling?
Or am I the only one that admits to that feeling?
hmmmmmm
Anyway.....LONG LONG LONGGG AGO...pre having being neutered and turning grey, The Kiwi lived at a time when looks were arguably ONE of the most important factors regarding attractive qualities. Whilst I was never one of these shallow, superficial people, still today and some may say, even more so, looks do come FIRST in some arenas.
Move the clock hmmmmmmmm 20 plus years. The Kiwi has adopted this mindset about looks and is now herself guilty of pre judging. I want to share with you, my peeps, how looks can be deceiving. A word of wisdom!
As a rubber stamping biz we have advertised in a couple of the main major mags or M and M's  for short. We also aspired to advertise in a couple of the che che, cutting edge, absolutely gorgeous, very expensive to advertise in, wonderfully textured, forever giving birth, family of OTHER magazines out there. For simplicity sake I shall henseforth just refer to them as The OTHERS.
Yes people. YanKiwi fancied playing with the big girls and is regularly courted.
We all know that the current economy sucks, I can't think of a better word than SUCKS because it indeed seems to SUCK everything out of one. More money for petrol, more money for corn, more money for petrol made of corn  you get the drift. It is a sucking time out there for a lot of us.
Before I go off on a tagent never to return I shall bring the purpose of my writing to the forefront.
We didn't even consider the mag that took over from Rubber Stamper. Didn't like the idea of being in a mag with croqueted tops and  duck shaped candles, didn't want to be on a shelf in a supermarket at rugrat level so to be smeared with greasy fingertips. That was the image that I had formed in my wee Kiwi head. I was still, in my mind trying to justify how we were going to compete against a self serving conglomeration known as The OTHERS, without feeling like we were funding their stamp line with our precious advertising dollars. Pimp I was not!
In the meantime we had some stuff published...only took a bit less than 2 yrs but then there was a change of owners and everything was a bit hickle dee pickel dee. To cut to the chase because The Yank doesn't think y'all can understand my English, We have had MORE business to date from the, excuse the saying, errrrrr , ugly duckling mag than we have got off some of the ones we pay to advertise in. I must emphasize TO DATE.
Whilst it has not made us millionaires, by any means and the tummytucks and eyelifts will have to wait till the next life, we have now reopened our mind and THAT in the least is refreshing.
To quickly summerize. Looks arn't everything, unless you're an eye, and that my pretty is the moral of the story and ain't it just wonderful to be able to rethink something and come out with a different conclusion...if only The Kiwi could have been this wise when she was a sweet young thing. Next life eh!

Long time no blog

"Goodness grape nuts" The Yank did say. "Why aren't you writing?"
Wellllllll....there's a 1001 reasons and none of them good enough.
I will give you 13 off the top of the bean..
1/ hmmmmmmmmm...nothing to say.
2/ Still sulking cause Hillary missed out.
3/ The economy sucks and I can't see the end of the tunnel.
4/ Didn't get a hybrid in time.
5/ Missed out on a FREE copy Dr Laura's book "Stop Whining Start Living".
6/ Bill Handel threatens me with the prospect of living in a dumpster, every 20 mins between  5am & 9am.
7/ Don't know what to do 1st...on a daily basis.
8/ The Kiwi melts in temperatures over 87.2 degrees.
9/ The sequel to Hannibal is being filmed in LA and they needed a brain.
10/New neighbors moved in.
11/Stress dulls the comic within.
12/Feeling my age and some #&*%^ mentioned my next b'day that happens to have an 0 in it.
13/Someone once said "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything."

There you go, the above excuses are some of the reasons why The Kiwi has been silent.
The Yank has another saying that she sings...Shessssss backkkkkkk!
and back I am.
I would like to add, with a vengeance, but I guess I have to first earn that rap.
I have been creating though, being the hermit I can be. The Yank turned me on to making stained glass creations and of course we had to reorganize the garage to accommodate . When you play with solder and flux and all the other goodies like sharp pieces of glass, one must proceed with caution. I, myself, had to have my own designated area as The Yank and I are very, errrr different in our needs from a work station.
Bottom line The Yank is meticulously tidy and The Kiwi can't even spell the word...get the picture?
Sooooo... a bit of time had gone into learning the art of playing with glass and I must say I have made some pretty nice wee things. Its kind of addictive and the only thing that stops me is the fact that the garage turns into a deep fryer after 2pm. I am incorporating some things we sell at YanKiwi.com into my creations and by the time the next "Art In The Yard" rolls along, both the Yank and the Kiwi will have plenty of treasures for sale. Pricing is the worse part. We both hate that... the reality is that it has to be done...you can only give so many away and if one wants to improve and be able to buy more stock then one has to sell some things...easy peasy. I mean, it just makes common sense. There's only so much space and a gal can't possibly keep everything.
I learned the perfect remedy for letting go when I had a brick and mortar Antiques Curios and Collectible shop in Auckland New Zealand.
Of course when I first started stocking the shop I bought what I liked. I didn't have $2000pr Ming vases or anything like that. Though I was in possession of a necklace made of cornelians belonging to Elizabeth 1 .
I digress... When one buys things that one likes and one also owns a shop, one has to learn to let go or else one would not be able to continue buying and would get that distasteful label that leaves me all a-quiver: PACK RAT. Sooooooo... The Kiwi decided early on in order to continue the process that it was enough to hold, smell, touch and generally molest the treasure when in custody, BUT be prepared to let it go and therefore be able to repeat the process over and over. AND...do you know what people?...it worked. I consequently got to play with and temporarily own lots of fabulous aged treasures and THAT was why I was in the biz. Because I love that stuff.
I just loved the history and being in its presence.
Its amazing how something so simple works when one is just prepared to apply the theory!
I could end there on that poignant note but I won't. I want to talk a little more about pricing ones creations. The have been 100's of articles written and rehashed on this subject. Most of it has gone in one of The Kiwis ears and out the other. (Note: in one eyeball and out the other doesn't sound as good so The Kiwi reserves the right to say what she damn well pleases cause its her damn blog...nahnahnahnahnahhhhhhhh) Re pricing: unfortunately we have all come across stuff MADE IN CHINA or MADE IN INDIA etc etc that is mass produced by basically, slave labor for a pittance and gobbled up by a society that doesn't care to think about the longterm ramifications or just doesn't think full stop. Example... I have seen stained glass sun catches in Michaels for say $20...use your 40% off or 50% off coupon and you could pay as little $10 for someone's creation.
Now whilst my stuff doesn't look like their stuff, BUYERS look at it and may think my stuff is priced high in comparison and so they buy the cheap stuff because it is cheap. You get the drift eh. THAT is why it is a worthy conversation and THAT is why we do our Art In The Yard shows because the peeps that come know in advance that our stuff is all handmade by the vendors present. They appreciate it and THAT is what keeps the process alive. In a nutshell... we all know that we don't get back the hours put into our creations and thats not how we can tally up and come to a price. It is all a matter of just looking at your work, know what goes into it and being realistic and proud enough to put a price tag on it. If it is gobbled up at a show I guess one can say...Right On!
More than $ is gained from creating and whilst it is a wonderful feeling to be monetarily rewarded for our art, the fact that so many people have been touched by things I have made and you have made is PRICELESS.

Desert Dwellers...we aren't

Welllll... we do live in the high desert but The Kiwi hasn't quite worked out what exactly that means.... Does one have to be high to live in the desert or does the desert make you high?
Either which way The Kiwi is confused AND in the desert, so maybe that gets misconstrued as being high. WHATEVER.
   Writing this from our salubrious surroundings in my ever so comfortable bed at La Grand Motel 6   Mesa, Arizona. Do not be tempted to laugh. The Kiwi can hear you. We did indeed have fine company...NONONO...Not THE Posh one...BETTER.
If you wish to know who else slummed it with YanKiwi send a stamped self addressed envelope with 50,000 buckaroonies to P.O Box YanKiwi and we will share the goss with you. (just joshn) YOU would be surprised people.... shock horror and PINK is all The Kiwi will say. You would have to either bring out the $ or the water-board to get any more info from moi.
Please note: We here at YanKiwi ONLY choose to slum it at the 6's or 8's to check out and report back to our loyal public.
   For those of you wondering why they can't read ALL our comments, it is because we are total control freaks and The Yank is a computer whiz and has the box rigged so only we can see and keep to ourselves your opinions. We do, however, let the odd one filter through, just so some of you can see YOUR name in print. The Kiwi is worried about love mail and can't take on any more responsibilities right now.  Actually people... as I taptaptap I can literally see the spiders weaving their web of words and I will indeed dedicate the next hour or so looking behind the scenes to read all your wonderful words of love, problems and sad little stories.
   Goodness...I digress, It must be the after effects of those large cacti that I nibbled on. The Kiwi had long ago heard rumors of the wonderful medicinal come cosmic experience one got from some cacti...The Yank did tell me to stop but The Kiwi thought it was mostly because she didn't want the responsibility of pulling cacti thorns our of my tongue... silly me.

   Did I mention that we were at the Mesa show in Arizona and had a wonderful response from the crafty ones down there?  If not. We did. We met a lovely new promoter who welcomed us warmly, Thanks Barbara, and a super big Thank You to you yummy folk who visited and supported us at the YanKiwi booth. For sure we will be going to Mesa again and I sure hope I can find the right cacti this time as the one I tried gave me a horrid rash and can't say it tasted nice either.

   Note to self : Contact Charbucks or preferably Deitrichs to get a new franchise or two opened up down there before we come. The Kiwi and The Yank wasted a good half hour looking for a decent coffee. Its almost a good enough reason to go out and buy one of those global positioning dooooduh thingmegigs.
   It was nice to catch up with some pals and share a margarita or two. GEE... I'm really sorry bout the tooth Pinky, I still have the broken fragment in my pocket. If you don't want it, can I use it in a collage?
The Kiwi promises never to share her butter rum toffees with anyone else again, but then again, what goes on in the desert stays in the desert...

The Plot Thickens...

After a day creating some gorgeous works of art, with 1/2 an ear on the election palaver, The Kiwi remembered a couple of very important propositions. With 1/2 an hour till the polls closed, I rushed back to YK HQ to reach out and inform you, the GP or general public (If you prefer the long version) of The Kiwi's position on these ever so important props... ie proposals. I will keep it brief and please excuse my bastardization of the props. As a Legal Alien I don't bother much with formality but I am sure the informed will get The Kiwi's drift.
Prop 93... something about extending the feeding time at the trough. The Kiwi says NO!
Extract the noses and rid the State of useless professional piggies. Whilst theres a lot to be said for experience and the value of time spent unraveling state issues and learning how to put it back together BETTER, it has obviously become a feeding trough for the wicked and useless. I say, The Kiwi says, cut off their tails and turn them into tenderloin. Note: This is a toned down version of what The Kiwi really means, and because its before 8pm and the kiddies are still awake, The Kiwi thought it best not to publish the full extent of her thought.
This proposition can be re visited again in the future when all piggies have been properly trained and their noses have once again shortened with evolution.

The Kiwi's last bug in her lug is to do with community colleges. I believe these institutions are a fabulous place to go to learn the art of stamping and embroidery, oh and maths and English, the Queen's language and such. Whether they should be funded so heavily by tax payers money is another question. The Kiwi is adamant that community college attendees don't be seen to be getting a free ride, but that education is accessible to those who want to better themselves and not go around smelling of Mc Donalds.

Alas I know the polls have now closed and my words haven't been able to make an impact but the Yank turned up and in between our dinner of turkey meatballs and tabouli we have been watching history being made. Seems Hills is is making a run for it. Wooooohooooooooooooo, You go girlllll.

The Kiwi Endorses...

Being Super Fat Tuesday The Kiwi has decided to divulge her private wish list to be carried out by the NEW US Government ASAP.
Whilst she realizes that she has no real legal voice whilst still a legal alien, this forum within is as suitable place as anywhere to project her thoughts and concerns. Just to clarify the Kiwis' legal status. I, The Kiwi, do solemnly declare, that I am a legal alien by choice. I choose to stay a legal alien purely and simply because I like the name. LEGAL ALIEN. Makes me feel wanted, a little weird and legal. I can, am and will always be held accountable for any naughtiness.
Ok..now thats out of the way, feel free to debate, agree or add to The Kiwis proposals for a better America. A nicer America. A kinder America. A good Superpower on this the first, fat, super Tuesday that this Kiwi has witnessed. Believe me people, this is NOT really a fat joke!
1/Being here in Riverside aka the hot side of the moon. The Kiwi HAS to get behind the Ban Multiple Roosters proposition. Since the roosters do all the crowing and the hens deliver, goodness knows why more than one rooster is needed. One can only assume it is for vile reasons and ultimately unfair to the roosters, not forgetting their neighbors.

2/Re adding more slots to the Indian casinos therefore potentially widening the trough filtering back to those in Cali. I'm all for it. Why not? If it benefits more tribes who don't have the income from casinos and if it adds a ton of $ to Cali coffers, it can't hurt. RIGHT? Unless their is theft and trickery in putting together this proposition. The Kiwi sais VOTE YES to more slots but only if there is NO THEFT OR TRICKERY. The Kiwi proposes instant death to the thieves and tricksters in all positions of government, filtering down to all those in local boards of power.

3/Re Iraq. Hmmmmm...too much fighting and not enough stamping. The Kiwi proposes Women be put in charge in all areas of conflict. USA included. For a fresh prospective. If we don't people. If we don't do it now and wait wait wait and then do it. We would not only have wasted many a life but look back in history and say " Why didn't we do this earlier ? " Lets face it people. Man has made a pigs breakfast over the centuries fighting over the same old same old. Land, Women and Religion, yaddayaddayadda.
Let see if we gals can do it differently. The Kiwi endorses Hills because The Kiwi is sick and tired of the blokes stuffing up. Give us girls a try, it works in other countries, remember I am from New Zealand and not only are we nuclear free with no enemies, apart from the Australians [but then they don't count and only not like us because our sports teams are better than theirs] No seriously folks...Open your eyes and see just by changing one slick suit for another does not maketh for a better America. Why not?
Back to Iraq as The Kiwi digressed big time. Just get OUT. Pick a number between 1-100 and make plans. Delegate responsibility to those born there and get out. Stop the demolishing derby there NOW and stop putting money into the pockets of the vultures that somehow get all the big contracts to rebuild after the destruction. There is $$$ in war but lives are lost. Grow up and put the pride in the back pocket and go home and look after the issues there. Its NOT working people. There will NEVER be a winner there. Simple but a start...the old adage about digging a hole is true. Arm our soldiers with stamps and have them chant " I 'd rather be stamping... hooohaaaaa "

4/ What else? Oh yes...Borders. DUHHHHH...especially in this climate. TIGHTEN YOUR BORDERS !!!
YOU...PRESENT Government is RUINING this country by just accepting whats happening here.
Its a tough one I know but come on...You have to start somewhere and having DEFINED patrolled hard to get into or over borders is THAT start. AGAIN...weed out the corrupt people in places of power who go against what the majority want because it self serves in some of THEIR areas of interest. The Kiwi proposes bringing out the Unwanted Supplies and doing away with such people. Lock them all in a room with cutesy stamps for 5 yrs then put them out to pick lettuces for the rest of their natural lives. Impact report on currently affected areas must be immediately drawn up and reported. American CITIZENS must come first...simply because today, America is THEIR country foremost. One must live for the day, learn from the past and protect the future at all costs.
ALSO...regarding all the bad buggers in jails around America. The ones who have caused bodily harm in any way...The Kiwi has two possible solutions here.
"A" Plan: Put all of them together on an island in some far, FAR away place  that has a food source but no traffic of any kind. NONE, never ! Give them fishing lines, tents, toilet paper and aspirin and wave bye bye . OK...Allow one mixed box of cutesy stamps and a palette of card-stock and let nature take its course.
NOTE: Because I know an element  of you will think this a little inhumane, The Kiwi has a...
"B" plan. Send them home. Simple as that. One parachute lesson and then BAM. Hopefully they will learn that their wicked ways are unacceptable and would never ever want to be in that position again.
Full Disclosure here people: The Kiwi does have a "C" plan but its not one for the righteous or fainthearted. She chooses to keep it to herself for now.
5/ And I am sure there is a 5. Hmmmmm...Oh Yes...The health care issue. OK...The Kiwis perspective, be it warped or uninformed, at the very least meaningless and unimportant. The Kiwi deep down believes if various already talked about issues are dealt with than some pressure will be relieved in some areas. The other antidote the Kiwi offers is yet another culling in the admin areas of health-care. IE...for goodness sake people. What should INSURANCE really have to do with a persons ability to receive the best possible option for living. Should someone really only have death as an option because he/she can't afford the medication that will give them LIFE? I must say the GREED that oozes out of this manifested organizational ill-fest is a little disturbing for This Kiwi. Give the power back to the Docs and make it possible to give every legal citizen of this country fair and affordable health coverage. Do not make it the SECOND biggest payment out of the paycheck, THAT scenario is only caused by greed and mismanagement. The Kiwi proposes taxing vanity body enhancement and all monies collected go into a fund for American Citizens in need. Certain alterations would have to be exempt and The Kiwi is currently working on those exceptions.
The Kiwi is sure there is a 6 and a 7 even. However, The Yank has warned her that not only is she wasting valuable stamping time but confusing the public further. She also wanted me to advise the readers that the views shared here are not necessarily the views of The Yank, YanKiwi or YanKiwicrafts and the people who work for any of the above organizations...except of course THE KIWI...She of course stands here upright with her hand on her heart keenly looking skyward and quietly, forever hoping.

New Year Resolutions... Kiwi Style

1/ Go to the gym 3-4 days a week...even if it gets outlawed as a cruel and unusual punishment.
2/ Ban butter from the house.
3/ Work in the YK studio at least 6 hrs a day.
4/ Be careful not to upset any promoters.
5/ Finish writing at least three "Hibiscus Village" mystery books.
6/ Take steps to POSSIBLY get them published.
7/ Promote YK left, right and center.
8/ Say no to chocolate.
9/ Say yes to parsnips.
10/ Drink LOTS of water.
11/ Say "kidney stones be gone."
12/ Learn new techniques, baby.
13/ Embrace Suze Orman.
14/ Do not buy a hermit crab for company.
15/ Do not start more than 5 projects before finishing one.
16/ READ READ READ.
17/ WRITE WRITE WRITE.
18/ STRETCH.
19/ Do not smuggle more than two bottles of Famous Grouse into the US at any given time.
20/ Eat only NZ peanut butter.
21/ STAMP at least 5 days a week.
22/ Ban the Siamese from the YK HQ FOREVER.
23/ Shut the ink pads every night.
24/ Take an estrogen tablet every day.
25/ Never bite a fish oil pill EVER.
26/ Don't feel resentful every time someone reminds me that I am in my 50th year.
27/ Work on the "Sick and Twisted" stamp category.
28/ No more flipping off obvious gang members.
29/ Keep my YK biz work station tidy and clutter free... just kidding.
30/ Be a better blogger and play nicely.

So folks...I  feel partially naked now which is a little revealing for The Kiwi.
Take note: This is NOT a license to remind me of my shortcomings or wishes for 2008.
I bare my soul for one and only one reason....
BECAUSE I CAN!
I don't usually make plans so far in advance, nor do I usually share them in such a public arena,
HOWEVER... as a gal enters her special year, not mentioning any numbers... I feel it is time to get serious and put it out there.
2008 is going to be a great year for me and YanKiwi. I wish it an equally fabulous year for Tracy.
We both have goals and a few are listed here.
Feel free to help us reach them whatever way you feel helpful.
At the very least know you are not alone at making them so late in January with already 3/4 of the month gone. xxx