Kiwi Tales

Day One

Its all coming back to me now as I raise the spoon to my lips. The memory is more than vivid, all senses are on alert. The taste-buds scream Noooooooooo... to deaf ears. The nostrils flare as if they had caught a whiff of something particularly putrid. Like a mad woman I search for the bottom of the bowl. Desperate to see the more slender me looking back up. Neither is there a fairy Godmother with a magic wand.  What I do see is my new friend.  Meet Cabbage. Cabbage is duh bomb, in more ways than you'll ever know! Ahhhhhh...when will a gal learn eh?

The Plot Thickens...

After a day creating some gorgeous works of art, with 1/2 an ear on the election palaver, The Kiwi remembered a couple of very important propositions. With 1/2 an hour till the polls closed, I rushed back to YK HQ to reach out and inform you, the GP or general public (If you prefer the long version) of The Kiwi's position on these ever so important props... ie proposals. I will keep it brief and please excuse my bastardization of the props. As a Legal Alien I don't bother much with formality but I am sure the informed will get The Kiwi's drift.
Prop 93... something about extending the feeding time at the trough. The Kiwi says NO!
Extract the noses and rid the State of useless professional piggies. Whilst theres a lot to be said for experience and the value of time spent unraveling state issues and learning how to put it back together BETTER, it has obviously become a feeding trough for the wicked and useless. I say, The Kiwi says, cut off their tails and turn them into tenderloin. Note: This is a toned down version of what The Kiwi really means, and because its before 8pm and the kiddies are still awake, The Kiwi thought it best not to publish the full extent of her thought.
This proposition can be re visited again in the future when all piggies have been properly trained and their noses have once again shortened with evolution.

The Kiwi's last bug in her lug is to do with community colleges. I believe these institutions are a fabulous place to go to learn the art of stamping and embroidery, oh and maths and English, the Queen's language and such. Whether they should be funded so heavily by tax payers money is another question. The Kiwi is adamant that community college attendees don't be seen to be getting a free ride, but that education is accessible to those who want to better themselves and not go around smelling of Mc Donalds.

Alas I know the polls have now closed and my words haven't been able to make an impact but the Yank turned up and in between our dinner of turkey meatballs and tabouli we have been watching history being made. Seems Hills is is making a run for it. Wooooohooooooooooooo, You go girlllll.

The Kiwi Endorses...

Being Super Fat Tuesday The Kiwi has decided to divulge her private wish list to be carried out by the NEW US Government ASAP.
Whilst she realizes that she has no real legal voice whilst still a legal alien, this forum within is as suitable place as anywhere to project her thoughts and concerns. Just to clarify the Kiwis' legal status. I, The Kiwi, do solemnly declare, that I am a legal alien by choice. I choose to stay a legal alien purely and simply because I like the name. LEGAL ALIEN. Makes me feel wanted, a little weird and legal. I can, am and will always be held accountable for any naughtiness.
Ok..now thats out of the way, feel free to debate, agree or add to The Kiwis proposals for a better America. A nicer America. A kinder America. A good Superpower on this the first, fat, super Tuesday that this Kiwi has witnessed. Believe me people, this is NOT really a fat joke!
1/Being here in Riverside aka the hot side of the moon. The Kiwi HAS to get behind the Ban Multiple Roosters proposition. Since the roosters do all the crowing and the hens deliver, goodness knows why more than one rooster is needed. One can only assume it is for vile reasons and ultimately unfair to the roosters, not forgetting their neighbors.

2/Re adding more slots to the Indian casinos therefore potentially widening the trough filtering back to those in Cali. I'm all for it. Why not? If it benefits more tribes who don't have the income from casinos and if it adds a ton of $ to Cali coffers, it can't hurt. RIGHT? Unless their is theft and trickery in putting together this proposition. The Kiwi sais VOTE YES to more slots but only if there is NO THEFT OR TRICKERY. The Kiwi proposes instant death to the thieves and tricksters in all positions of government, filtering down to all those in local boards of power.

3/Re Iraq. Hmmmmm...too much fighting and not enough stamping. The Kiwi proposes Women be put in charge in all areas of conflict. USA included. For a fresh prospective. If we don't people. If we don't do it now and wait wait wait and then do it. We would not only have wasted many a life but look back in history and say " Why didn't we do this earlier ? " Lets face it people. Man has made a pigs breakfast over the centuries fighting over the same old same old. Land, Women and Religion, yaddayaddayadda.
Let see if we gals can do it differently. The Kiwi endorses Hills because The Kiwi is sick and tired of the blokes stuffing up. Give us girls a try, it works in other countries, remember I am from New Zealand and not only are we nuclear free with no enemies, apart from the Australians [but then they don't count and only not like us because our sports teams are better than theirs] No seriously folks...Open your eyes and see just by changing one slick suit for another does not maketh for a better America. Why not?
Back to Iraq as The Kiwi digressed big time. Just get OUT. Pick a number between 1-100 and make plans. Delegate responsibility to those born there and get out. Stop the demolishing derby there NOW and stop putting money into the pockets of the vultures that somehow get all the big contracts to rebuild after the destruction. There is $$$ in war but lives are lost. Grow up and put the pride in the back pocket and go home and look after the issues there. Its NOT working people. There will NEVER be a winner there. Simple but a start...the old adage about digging a hole is true. Arm our soldiers with stamps and have them chant " I 'd rather be stamping... hooohaaaaa "

4/ What else? Oh yes...Borders. DUHHHHH...especially in this climate. TIGHTEN YOUR BORDERS !!!
YOU...PRESENT Government is RUINING this country by just accepting whats happening here.
Its a tough one I know but come on...You have to start somewhere and having DEFINED patrolled hard to get into or over borders is THAT start. AGAIN...weed out the corrupt people in places of power who go against what the majority want because it self serves in some of THEIR areas of interest. The Kiwi proposes bringing out the Unwanted Supplies and doing away with such people. Lock them all in a room with cutesy stamps for 5 yrs then put them out to pick lettuces for the rest of their natural lives. Impact report on currently affected areas must be immediately drawn up and reported. American CITIZENS must come first...simply because today, America is THEIR country foremost. One must live for the day, learn from the past and protect the future at all costs.
ALSO...regarding all the bad buggers in jails around America. The ones who have caused bodily harm in any way...The Kiwi has two possible solutions here.
"A" Plan: Put all of them together on an island in some far, FAR away place  that has a food source but no traffic of any kind. NONE, never ! Give them fishing lines, tents, toilet paper and aspirin and wave bye bye . OK...Allow one mixed box of cutesy stamps and a palette of card-stock and let nature take its course.
NOTE: Because I know an element  of you will think this a little inhumane, The Kiwi has a...
"B" plan. Send them home. Simple as that. One parachute lesson and then BAM. Hopefully they will learn that their wicked ways are unacceptable and would never ever want to be in that position again.
Full Disclosure here people: The Kiwi does have a "C" plan but its not one for the righteous or fainthearted. She chooses to keep it to herself for now.
5/ And I am sure there is a 5. Hmmmmm...Oh Yes...The health care issue. OK...The Kiwis perspective, be it warped or uninformed, at the very least meaningless and unimportant. The Kiwi deep down believes if various already talked about issues are dealt with than some pressure will be relieved in some areas. The other antidote the Kiwi offers is yet another culling in the admin areas of health-care. IE...for goodness sake people. What should INSURANCE really have to do with a persons ability to receive the best possible option for living. Should someone really only have death as an option because he/she can't afford the medication that will give them LIFE? I must say the GREED that oozes out of this manifested organizational ill-fest is a little disturbing for This Kiwi. Give the power back to the Docs and make it possible to give every legal citizen of this country fair and affordable health coverage. Do not make it the SECOND biggest payment out of the paycheck, THAT scenario is only caused by greed and mismanagement. The Kiwi proposes taxing vanity body enhancement and all monies collected go into a fund for American Citizens in need. Certain alterations would have to be exempt and The Kiwi is currently working on those exceptions.
The Kiwi is sure there is a 6 and a 7 even. However, The Yank has warned her that not only is she wasting valuable stamping time but confusing the public further. She also wanted me to advise the readers that the views shared here are not necessarily the views of The Yank, YanKiwi or YanKiwicrafts and the people who work for any of the above organizations...except of course THE KIWI...She of course stands here upright with her hand on her heart keenly looking skyward and quietly, forever hoping.